Balancing Heart and Heritage: How to Decide Whether to Stay in a Relationship Against Parental Wishes
People often encounter people they find appealing throughout life. Still, these people sometimes need to catch up to the most suitable match set by their parents.
During the television show “Mother-in-law and Mother,” all of the guests expressed their feelings and ideas on the topic “Should I continue dating someone my mother disapproves of?”:
When determining whether to accept Huang Bojun’s request, my friend said she would be ready to follow her mother’s emotional direction and give her thoughts.
Another friend argues that although the mother’s opinions are critical, one should try to persuade their family to accept the person they love. Furthermore, it is claimed that people are only sometimes clear about their tastes in young and should investigate several possibilities to select the most compatible mate. To be happy, one must first get the favour of his parents, so one should follow his mother’s advice.
Many internet users also express their opinions on this topic. Many people doubt whether they should keep a relationship going that their parents find unacceptable.
Today, we will go over the proper line of action when our parents object to our romantic partner.
What possible risks come from keeping a relationship our parents find unacceptable?
Unquestionably, our parents’ opinions significantly impact us, especially regarding marriage and love.
Relationships rejected or not supported by parents could run across the following risks.
Harmful psychological advice might lead to marriage failing.
Our parents largely influence early growth phases. We usually absorb their voices. It is difficult to remove the influence of parents on our subconscious mind, even if we lack deliberate acceptance.
Therefore, we want to be unaffected by parental beliefs, even in disagreement. On the other hand, if we reject or counterattack without giving much thought and then try to justify our stance, it only shows that psychological ideas have swayed us.
I might be more stressed both practically and financially.
Many young people nowadays want to acquire a residential home in a city. Nevertheless, it isn’t easy even if they avoid leaning on their parents’ help. This issue more fairly depicts the difficulties faced in marriage.
Once a couple is married and starts a family, they are focused on their professional responsibilities. In child care, parents can provide different levels of help. Should parents first object to the marriage, they may not be supportive once they are married. Therefore, if they lack the help of their parents, it suggests that the two people have to bear more existential and financial obligations, which also seriously strains their marriage bond.
You can run across the likelihood of your friends and relatives deserting you.
Should your parents be quite opposed, the relationship could finally sour. News often shows cases when parental conflict causes daughters to lose contact with their parents.
Although the relationship with one’s parents is badly shattered, the woman has no family support or advocacy when she suffers unfair treatment from her husband’s family.
Few people can bear the stress of being left behind by friends and relatives, which adds an even more significant burden and resistance to the institution of marriage.
Thus, parental disapproval of partnerships results in more significant hazards, and the difficulty of managing them is also greatly enhanced.
Is happiness possible in a marriage greeted with parental disapproval?
Generally speaking, parents have more life experiences than we do, which helps them view people more fully and examine issues more closely.
Maybe the person we meet as our romantic partner is not very good, but we might not know this even if our great love keeps us blind. Our parents, more objective viewers, would easily find these flaws.
On the other hand, the half left over needs more means to create decent living circumstances. Although we might be happy with love and ignore the implications right now, our parents have the foresight to see the possible difficulties we could have after marriage. Their resistance is thus sometimes not baseless.
Does that mean that a marriage rejected by parents would always lack happiness?
Elizabeth is a courageous person who is not afraid to reflect and act. In the 1990s, her parents felt that it was essential to choose a mate with a stable job, such as a factory worker. She was intelligent and forward-looking then and finally chose someone working in the colour television sector.
Elizabeth stayed strong despite her parents’ angrily disapproving and even sending ultimatums to cut relations during that period. She decided to wed the man determinedly and worked closely with him because she thought the other person was highly active, conscientious, and accountable. She accumulated her initial fortune fast and led a rich life with good health.
Elizabeth’s psychological and financial situation is good right now. Seeing their daughter’s successful life, her parents progressively came to see their son-in-law’s ability, which helped to heal their marriage.
The Dissent of Parents
Should one follow their advice?
Business organization stakeholders can affect the company, so their opinions must be given great importance during the decision-making process.
Your parents are definitely the most important players in your marriage and love; their opinions should guide your decision-making.
Chen Lijie, a well-known Chinese consultant focused on intimate relationships, writes in his book “Intensive Relationship Management” about his significant experience as a consultant and judge to provide guidance. He underlines the need to carefully read parents’ complaints and use judgment to decide which objections call for significant attention.
In what ways might it be carried out?
First of all, one should show respect for many points of view.
If one is to overcome their concerns, it is imperative to carefully listen to them and understand the basic causes of their concerns.It will help us find possible ways to convince parents to welcome our marriage.
In human interactions, we should always practice reciprocal turn-taking in communication, so switching between speaking and listening. The speaker must first clearly express their whole points of view, feelings, and needs about this matter. The listener then tries to understand the other side, deftly and unambiguously repeats the speaker’s point of view, and develops a fitting response.
Reiterating their main ideas and concerns while attentively listening can help reassure the parents of their objections. It shows the great respect one has for their parents’ opinions.
Moreover, Excellent Evaluation
First, understand the main aspects of their arguments; next, go over their points of view utilizing the following questions.
What first foundations do the parents see? Are they, for example, really thinking about their happiness or merely preoccupied with their image? Could following parental advice jeopardize one’s interests, such as requesting a large dowry, which can finally ruin their future marriage?
For their parents, do their present circumstances make them logical? Do your parents fairly assess your strengths and shortcomings and know your expected values and married way of life?
For example, some parents believe their daughters have royal traits and advise them to wed someone with particular circumstances; thus, they regard no man fit. It will help your child to occupy a noticeable position from which she will find it challenging to give up. Therefore, evaluating your skills and shortcomings is essential to determine whether your parents’ expectations are clear-cut.
What kind of frame of reference should parents’ experience offer? Are parents, for example, sufficiently sophisticated and tasteful? Let’s say our model is A. The situational growth of that age still needs to coincide with her parents’ point of view. They need help understanding the general direction of society and the fundamental values their daughter and son-in-law support. Their grievances so demand more bearing in terms of offering wise direction.
After thoroughly reading parent comments, we must determine the main issues and consider the advantages of their proposals.
Still, another essential quality is the capacity for autonomous decision-making. You still have to make decisions even after the parents’ justifications have been carefully thought out.
Many people get caught up in their parents’ worries since they want their parents to completely back their choices. Regarding their parents’ concerns, they show intense, impulsive, or indecisive behaviour and lack faith in their judgment.
Many young people require more psychological weaning, even with tremendous intelligence and high education.
Particularly on significant events, youngsters unwittingly ask their parents for input and even wish their parents to be in charge. Parents can thereby participate in decision-making.
One could interpret it as a statement of concern linked with the consequences. One always wants a solid voice to guide the decision-making. Should one commit a mistake, one can attribute responsibility to someone.
Therefore, evaluating the logical consistency and application of parental opinions depends on our basic needs and focuses significantly on our inner voice of emotions.
Considering the following problems can help you to make rational and independent decisions:
1.Have I given the several risks associated with my choice of marriage some thought?
2. Are there still significant areas where I must pay attention to necessary knowledge or information?
3. Should I diverge from my parents’ point of view, what is the degree of the risk?
4. Existence of any basic need?
Consider also the effects just for you.
After much thought, decide clearly and show the courage and tenacity to say, “I choose; I accept the consequences.” In this sense, the main goal is to disturb the psychological influence.
Psychological advice is a terrible experience brought on by shame and anxiety inside our emotions. We are very firmly rooted in two strong feelings toward our parents.
One can go through guilt among the numerous feelings one could encounter. Against the ideals of our parents seems to us a betrayal, which causes sorrow and loss. We are ready to adopt many hidden ways to punish ourselves, even if it means jeopardizing the stability of our marriage; we cannot allow such behaviour from ourselves.
Fear comes second. The possible consequences of challenging our parents’ beliefs—which include emotional distress, grief, or even our parents’ health declining—have us somewhat worried.
Many people so depend on the acceptance of their “marriage or love” since they cannot face the great shame and anxiety resulting from the difference with their parents, as well as the remorse brought about by treachery.
Usually, it has disturbing psychological connotations: I am unworthy of happiness.
Usually, freedom from guilt will help one to fight this psychological impact. Imagine your ideal marriage in which you own ultimate power. In such a situation, you have to face your guilt about your parents, realize that your life is naturally yours, and come to see that you are not compelled to routinely give up your constraints and permit your parents to run your life continuously.