The Walls of IKEA The following interview was originally recorded in Swedish.

If walls could talk, the walls of IKEA should comment, and those comments should be translated to English.

They would unanimously admit that their favorite album is Like Humans Do by David Byrne. I’m Mer – my mug shot – cerelac white, not too skinny, 9 feet. Situated as a prop amongst a thousand cousins at the IKEA mall, today I was interviewed by a human: a young Leonard Dicaprio of sorts and his handheld DSLR. He was hosting his own tele advisory show, and all of us were eager this afternoon to answer, like a group of straddling East Londoners on the mic. Yes, with the seasons many believe us fickle with change. Drastic is the decor and displacement as we seemingly take on new identities and refreshing perspectives. I can assure you though, at our core, below is an honest reveal of who we really are.

Would I prefer to be a real wall?

Should I answer like Keats or Freud? Well, I don’t have any paternal issues because there’s a sense of community, that the IKEA village is real. The ceiling lights are just like the Nordic sun. Thus, I feel real, but a conflicting human real. Blood cells, face, father, mother, baby, chicken and egg real. The Pinocchio complex. Alternatively, I have maternal issues . I mean, the plants on the top floor, even we’re not aware if they are alive or fake. The material on the furniture seems to be sourced from some Scandinavian forest that pears this exclusivity, illusion; the world on the outside seems more substantial, made from God’s things. All in all, I don’t think I would prefer to be a real wall.

After recording my response, the kid continued surfing the plastic floor, running into newlyweds, crashing into foreign dads, but never finding an employee. Dizzingly, he actually came back to shy old me!


Hemingway, oaxaca cheese, lingonberry jam, ladybugs, minimalist art, and controversy.


Crayola, sandpaper. Many of us have a maze fear that there’s an ax-wielder behind at least one of us a few hours post closing. Earthquakes, of course.

Best perks being born an IKEAN wall?

Strong sense of ancestral roots from the 60s- 70s IKEA catalog archive. Lots of relatives doing all types of things. Then, everyday has its precious moments, like getting to see immigrant children both in shame and in love of their immigrant parents. Enjoy it when families lean on me as one of its members negotiates what they will ultimately purchase; I watch on with them. Otherwise being the main inspiration for designers would be the best part about being who I am.

Can you purchase an IKEA wall?

Hard no.

What role do walls play in the world?

The issue of shelter is huge on this globe. I believe there should be more of us, that each community take a grass-roots approach until we house every family, or whatever is left of each, inside. It breaks my heart when humans knock themselves out on me in starved exhaustion. The world can be cruel. And we’re scarcer than you think. I see many kids your height being hard on themselves as they age into the personal folder file years of their 20s and 30s, when poverty was their circumstance.

Walls provide security, a fundamental need for each and every person alive. Walls are associated with industry, a wonderful subject if taken with an environmentalist approach such is the tradition of IKEA. More walls, more homes, more schools, and more hospitals – as well as the safety and soundness these facilities provide. How splendid would it be to see IKEA walls hexagonically displayed everywhere!

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